Tag Archives: Love

Worthless

“I don’t understand why there needs to be a love interest to make women go see a film. I think society sort of makes us feel that way – that if you don’t have a guy, you’re worthless.” – Sandra Bullock

Well, you’re not.

Open Note to My Ex-Boyfriend

Back in the day of young puppy love, I decided to lease a car while in school. I had snobby car standards: new and pretty. I was driving a ’95 Tercel, until my little brother wrapped it around a tree, and in order to venture down to the beautiful city of Rochester (blehhh) to see my boyfriend, I needed my own wheels! And the boyfriend, with his puppy dog eyes, made sure I knew I needed to come see him.

Insert 2008 Toyota Yaris here. He, Yari, was awesome! But I didn’t lease him because I was super excited to pay almost all my part-time pay cheque to a car. No, no, I was in love. Here was my car to drive me to lovin’, and I was doe-eyed.

Until we broke up, 3 weeks later…

So if anyone knows him (the ex, grrr), make sure you pass this gem along. He’s still waiting to hear back from me (keep waiting sunshine).

“I finally got rid of my car, you piece of shit.”

That is all.

Carrie Strut

Most women have done this at some point or another, I just tend to do it a little more often.  Think about one of your favourite chick flicks or go girl television shows.  How many times have you seen the lead character walk through a busy street with a theme song playing that puts an extra pep in her step?  She is often in love and smiling at everything in her path, or just out of love and power-walking to show just how over him she really is. 

That’s me walking down Bloor, disconnected from the world through white headphones that are connected to my iPod.  Locate the shuffle feature, flip through a few songs and find the one that has a beat and a message worth strutting to.  This morning for some odd reason is was, “I Love You, Always Forever” – Donna Lewis.  While it has some serious walking beats at the beginning, I am left to wonder why on earth I chose to listen to a love song this morning?!  I also read a book with a full out love scene amidst the sand in my PG-13, until 7:30am this morning, book.  Is life truly trying to bite me in the ass?  Can’t a girl strut without being bombarded by the love bug from every angle.

Let’s even further trace back my steps this morning.  I thought I had walked in on a porno this morning at the Kiss & Ride.  I get it, Kiss and then Ride, but the PDA was off the charts.  The glance back and coy smile was enough to tell me this was new love.  Then my book, then my song, and then the onslaught of good looking men in suits - give me a break!  I started to really wonder on my walk if I was living in my very own unedited version of Sex and the City, I was just missing my heels.  It seems as though when you least expect it, life will say, “would you like sugar and irony with your coffee this morning?” 

Nevertheless, I felt as though I was in my own movie intro, and since my life currently resembles that of a sit-com, I hope it turns into a romantic comedy sometime soon.  The one where the impossible becomes the possible – or if anything less, I get my own strutting sequence.

Reading is fun, and then some…

Every morning I read.  Every evening I read.  Every night I read.

Now I am not the only one.  Some read to pass the time on a train, some to gain an understanding of a life they do not know, some simply read to take themselves far away from the life they currently have.  Some read for words, some read for passages and others read for chapters.  Some thrive off of the turn of the first page, while others rejoice in the final pages punctuation.  Regardless of the reasons why anyone reads, the simple point is that reading changes lives.

I have always been an avid reader, which is what led me to my undergraduate degree – English.  I have also always been an avid writer.  Whether it be mere prose or poetry written to clear my thoughts at 4 o’clock in the morning, writing is a therapeutic art form that allows you to spill your heart onto a page – and I do.  What I have found is that the intertwining of the two has propelled me to understand why I read in a different way. 

I read to feel something.  Anything really.  Different books provoke different emotions which truly is the joy of reading.  It all depends on your state of mind, what you are seeking to receive from the text on the page.  I spent four years reading for content, plot, character development, themes, hidden subtext and more.  While I do sometimes find myself wondering when the protagonist is going to get a sense of self in my latest bildungsroman, I read more with a keen eye for worth. 

Recently I have been racing through a lot of novels on spirituality and the meaning of life.  All have different philosophies such as; “Eat, Love, Pray” by Elizabeth Gilbert, “Tuesday’s with Morrie” by Mitch Albom and currently “Way of the Peaceful Warrior” by Dan Millman.  Now there have been some chick lit novels thrown in for giggles, but besides that, reading books that make you think is what I am intrigued by. 

These are the real page turners, the ones that keep you reading for fear that you still have lessons to learn.  I read for the ability to put down a book and question my place in life, where I am at and where I would like to go.  A book that makes me open my eyes to the world around me, the world I do not know, and the world that I would like to roam.  These are not easy books to find, mostly I feed off of recommendations from those who want a challenge out of their own lives just as I do (all 3 titles mentioned above were recommended by great friends).  While I am no expert in this genre, one note I can make is that each will transform your life in a different way than it has mine.

I believe whole-heartedly that I will acquire a different sense of self than you, you who is reading my blog, will… even if we both read the same novel.  For example, “Tuesday’s with Morrie” is about a professor with ALS who instead of fearing his own death, is turning his death into his last class to teach.  He taught the meaning of life, which was broken into different parts, just as life is.  He did not claim to be an expert on the topic, yet that he was.  While many would take away the importance of accepting death so that they may live life, I was side-tracked.  The only thing I could collect was that when you are older, and possibly living through an illness that will inevitably kill you, connections with people matter.  Deep connections, connections that shake your core and cause you to think.  We are all very quick to make connections based on looks or shared interests, and keep those connections based on comfort and convenience.  At 80-years-old I hope to have connections with those who I can have a conversation with in an empty room, possibly one that I am no longer physically able to move from, and still feel as though my life has meaning and is worthwhile.  Whether these connections are with friends, family members or most importantly my life partner, that is what I felt Mitch Albom’s book was saying to me.  No more glossed over relationships, look for what is deep in order to persevere through the challenges of daily life.

I would bet my next pay cheque (it’s an interns salary keep in mind) that anyone else who has read this book would have resonated with something dissimilar.  Or, if you hadn’t, than possibly that piece of the puzzle was exactly what you were looking for through those scattered words on the page.  Regardless, it’s exciting to travel through those words in order to discover the meaning for you.

I will still continue reading terrible books that receive bad ratings because they are fluff novels with no substance.  However, I will keep my mind open always to those books that choose to create an impact on my own existence.  Bottom line - I will continue to read because what a waste of a brain without it.