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The final rose of the night goes to…

I know, Bachelorette blog, make me sick. How typical. How girly can I get? Yep, I got it, you’re disgusted, I know.

I’ve never written one of these because it would be filled with curse words, eye rolling and ultimately comments about bad Ali roots (her hair sucked). But last night got me a little riled up. Everyone is free to choose who they think is a good fit for them, but this chick must have eaten paint before making her choice.

Ashley Hebert… the “dentist”, the emo dancer in an empty theatre and the poutine eater, is the new Bachelorette and I already want to throw myself down a flight of stairs after watching last nights premiere. If the episodes had titles, this one would be “You’ve got to be shitting me sweetheart”. How on earth Batman made it over this tall drink of water, I will never know.

Shocking. Let’s recap – he had a legit cool tie, he didn’t seem strange (see no mask), he didn’t get shmammered, and he didn’t look like a bird face. What’s this chicks problem? Please explain… please, please, please. His only downfall is on his bio, he likes Arnold Schwarzenegger – what a loooohser. But besides that – E-Commerce Executive who can throw you over his shoulder – listen student girl, you can’t do much better. But go ahead, keep the cell phone salesman, knock yourself out. You screwed up last time and now you screwed up your first episode. As the saying goes, “fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” Shame on you, but shame on you for simply being a fool.

Silly kid. Good luck! I look forward to “porch railing gazes” into the sunset as you contemplate all your “super tough decisions”.